Just Noise | by Johanan Sen

Have you heard the new Nicole Scherzinger single? OK, check this out. Play Nicole’s single first and then the track that follows it. The second one is by Chilli (from TLC) with Missy Elliott, Straight Jack’em. Chilli’s began circulating in February of this year. Nicole’s single just dropped this week.

Nicole Scherzinger featuring T.I. – Whatever U Like

Chilli featuring Missy Elliott – Straight Jack’em

First off, you can’t click two keys on a damn synth and call that production. All these established nuckleheads and all they manage to come up with is a musical loop that would only be impressive if a two-year-old beat it out of his toy xylophone.

Second, it’s inexcusable that five months after the first one hit airwaves, a second single can drop with the exact same musical (instrumental) track. The only reason why major label crap still has a market is because we expect the suits to do some quality control. If I wanted to hear two nut-cases pull the same four-note, bullshit opus out of their back-passage, I would prowl MySpace.

Forget who came up with it first, this mess was not much to copy in the first place. There was genius in the melodic minimalism of the Neptunes tracks, which all the copycats since haven’t been able to replicate. Pharrell and Chad Hugo knew to give a cut the right amount of bite. Missy, who’s been in the business for much longer than the duo, shouldn’t be caught dead on a track like Jack’em.

The songs themselves sound like a parody on Saturday Night Live – particularly Nicole’s vocal. You’ve gotta be taking the piss when you get paid millions and this is what you throw down the boulevard.